Hot BTAFC News (click here to also see the Admin news)

23rd Aug 2007	submitted by BTAFC International scout
Thoroughly objective and unbiased match report for last night's international friendly is here ...

20th Aug 2007	submitted by Fixtures Secretary
BTAFC season ticket holders scrambled to cancel holidays and weddings today as the 07-08 fixtures were announced by the league. This seasons division sees the Researchers reunited with friends of recent seasons and cup runs, and burning the unleaded on trips throughout the sacred RM3 pentangle linking Sizewell, Eastward Ho, Hadleigh, Great Blakenham and Stonham Aspal.

12th Aug 2007	submitted by BTAFC Hypemeister
The pre-season tour begins today, when the Researchers face Trojans. Watch this space for more pre-season friendlies and news of the seasons fixtures ...

12th Jul 2007	submitted by Fixture secretary
Training begins on Thursday 2nd at the Christchurch training facility. After the moister than expected summer break we expect fewer grass burns and Dog Oil action this season than last. Our first friendly of the 2008 season will be on 12th August, in at the deep end against the mighty Trojans of Div MB1, who spanked us in the Senior Cup in 2006-07.

1st Jul 2007	submitted by Pre-season statto
Division RM3 receives a massively credibility boost as the mighty BTRFC slides sideways from MB3 for the 2007-08 season. This will see the revival of the Felixstowe T&L (aka Deben 98) fixture, Felixstowe map reading practise and penalty practise will begin immediately.

1st Jul 2007

submitted by BTAFC Pulitzer hopeful

New team name !!! The Researchers have split from their reserve team, for administrative simplicity. The reserves keep the old name, the Researchers will now officially be known as BT Adastral FC. Following a meeting as swift and far reaching as Churchill and Stalin dividing up post-war Eastern Europe, Ash and Colin agreed on a fair distribution of training balls and bibs, and an ongoing pitch share at Raydon's Tyreman Sports Arena.

13th Jun 2007

submitted by REUTERS: BTRFC ANNOUNCE NEW MANAGER

Following the shock retirement of the much loved "Gaffer", Nathan Eden, after 4 long seasons in charge of the fashionable team of MB3, BTRFC today announced the arrival of Paul Robson as the new manager. Robson, who enjoyed a short, and sometimes glorious playing career for BTRFC some years ago, decided to put himself forward in the race for the top job of his beloved club. In a statement from the club, the newly instated chairman, Ashley Sadler said he was delighted with the signing. "Obviously the club has been in turmoil what with Colin and Gaffer announcing their departure with days of each other. I think getting Paul to put pen to paper gives us the stability that we need going forward. Believe me, we had CV's come through the letter box with some big names on them, but we feel Paul has what we need to take us forward". He went on to say that the club needs some fresh faces to replace the outgoing crop, and "we can only attract the calibre of player we need by having a stable platform to build from". Although Robson comes to the job without any direct first team football management experience, he does have a wealth of tactical and man management experience. Robsons first job was convincing the legend Eden to stay with BTRFC. At the recent opening of his statue, built on the banks of the Blue Circle Cement Ground, Eden again stated that he was unsure where his playing career was going. "There are obviously some lucrative offers on the table from clubs in America which is in the USA and Mali, and at my age, I have to think about getting things in order for my retirement. Pubs don't buy themselves you know". However, at the press conference today, Robson confirmed that Eden has signed a new 1-year, performance related contract with the club. "I'm delighted he's staying. We need to bring in some big names for the coming season, and keeping players like Eden at the club can only help us". It is thought, other players like Eden's midfield partner, Darren Lewis and the fans favourite Dave Maddams will follow suit and pen new long term contracts with the club. In a distinct change from previous managers of the club, Robson comes in on purely a management contract. "I've had a long term injury which is keeping me from playing. I'm going to focus on the management of the club, and am being fitted for my sheepskin jacket later in the week". Welcome Paul, good luck for the future… lets hope it's a successful tenure.

8th May 2007

submitted by Stats analysis!

With four games to go, it all hangs in the balance for the Researchers. Following a win over 5th spot they are away to second spot then three home games to 3rd, 4th and 6th spot. With 7th place downwards having now finished their season BTRFC could finish as high as 5th or as low as 10th, the Researchers' goal difference being 9 better than the lower positions. A points average of 1.16 at home and 1.22 away suggests another 4.7 or 4.8 points to come. Rounded up will see them in mid table 7th, rounding down leading the chasing pack in 8th. The fans are keeping their fingers crossed though as a points fine after last weeks cancelled Wednesday fixture could spell disaster.

22nd Apr 2007	submitted by BTRFC Squad news
In the absence of other news, Phil C returned to first team duty today. And with Phil back in the squad there was only going to be one outcome. See the Gallery photos as BTRFC return to convincing winning form.

19th Feb 2007

submitted by BTRFC treatment centre

After a fortnight's intensive painkillers and Channel 4 war films, Phil C is back to standing and walking. A return to training and then to first team action is predicted for, um, some time this season. Pundits are speculating on the loss to the Researchers' firepower and flag waving. "Its so sad that such a promising talent could be placed on hold so early in his career" said a bevvy of hot young fans yesterday.

3rd Feb 2007	submitted by BTRFC neurosurgeon
Football is cursed with delayed reactions, but Phil C set a new record today. Having sustained a strain to the spinal muscles against Witnesham on 3rd December, Phil today back-spasmed his way into the record books exactly three months almost to the minute after the initial injury. More news as soon as Phil stops chomping painkillers and inventing new swear words.

14th Dec 2006

submitted by Bowlarama-man

The results are in from the instead-of-training bowling match, featuring the fowards versus the defenders. (note the cheapskate-o-rama cut power to the lanes during the second game, hence the scores extrapolated from that moment with a bonus 5 for a spare & 10 for a strike) Who? Game 1 Game 2 Extrapolated Darren 97 133 147 Nathan 71 78 (spare) 116 Doug 83 53 66 Phil 112 78 98   Steve 112 68 (strike) 95 Jon 92 83 103 Lenny 128 143 (strike) 189 Paul 77 83 (strike) 113 So, the game totals are: first game, forwards 363, defenders 409, 12.6% advantage. second game, forwards 427, defenders 500, 17% advantage. Game averages by position: strikers, 91 and 82 midfielders, 90 and 131 central defenders, 77 and 113 full backs, 110 and 129 Therefore, under gaffers rules, the forwards win.

11th Dec 2006

submitted by BTRFC's Man Down Under

A state of emergency has been declared in New South Wales this morning after news filtered through of yet another defeat to Witnesham Reserves. Thousands of BT Research fans were rioting in the streets of Sydney in reaction to the Gaffer's team selection, yet again leaving out key players. Lifelong BTRFC diehard, Bruce, couldn't understand it, "Strewth, after an inspirational performance against Black Horse, the Gaffer has yet again left Dan S out of the squad. I love the Gaffer has much as any Research fan, but questions surely have to be asked and answered now, cobber".

27th Nov 2006	submitted by Papparazi
Pics now in the gallery from the ISFL Cup win against Bucklesham Shannon.

22nd Nov 2006	submitted by BTRFC Haute Couture correspondent
The new socks are here! Due to be unveiled against Bucklesham Shannon, inside sources suggest the well-dressed BTRFC player will this season be wearing "red, with Legea written on the ankle". This brings the red sock count to a healthy 15 + 4 pairs after the ceremonial binning of the mingy ones (the planned burning was cancelled on Fire Service advice regarding their combustability).

21st Nov 2006

submitted by Fixtures department

The double-booked pitch for the 12th November cup tie with Bucklesham Shannon has been resolved in BTRFC's favour. Consequently the league says the tie will be replayed on Sunday 26th November. The League and Cup double is therefore still on ... This means the league fixture with Northam Celtic has been postponed. BTRFC's next league fixture away to the mighty Witnesham Reserves will be their first league match in 7 weeks, since 15th October.

6th Nov 2006	submitted by BTRFC Anonymous Source
Sources close to goalkeeper, Dan S, suggest he maybe thinking about considering a possible return to light training this Thursday, after a 2 month hiatus. We'll bring you further news when we have it.

23rd Oct 2006	submitted by BTRFC gentle jogging correspondent
Midfield general and runaroundabit'er Darren completed the Chicago marathon this weekend in 4 hours 15 minutes, at an average of 6.1227934908695140518774454374615 mph (assuming the Merikins have the 385 yards as well as the 26 miles) More to follow, possibly.

4th Oct 2006	submitted by BTRFC newshound
Many exciting new bits on the web site! Check out the photos from the Trojans game, and new player profiles for Jerry, Jarek and Lenny.

26th Sep 2006	submitted by Host with the most
If you're reading this, it means the move of the site hosting went smoothly! Hurrah!

14th Aug 2006	submitted by BTRFC bloke in the pub
We now know why the parallel leagues are known as MB and RM. They're named after two ISFL stalwarts, Mike Boughey and Russell Morphew. You can sleep easily now.

13th Aug 2006

submitted by Explainer of complex stuff

Ipswich Sunday Football League has restructured its league, from Premier+1-9 to Premier plus parallel streams known as MB and RM (half a Milky Way to the first person to explain the acronyms). One team from each stream is promoted to the Premier every season, plus a playoff winner. Stream MB is obviously senior as we are in it. The most significant impact of this, apart from the levelling effect and opportunity to face tougher opposition more rapidly, is that the webmonkey's beautiful banners referring to Division 6 are now buggered.

13th Aug 2006

submitted by BTRFC Fixture Fetishist

The season fixtures are on the web site! The Researchers are sitting pretty, top of the table after 0 games on alphabetic advantage. A lack of fixtures may soon see them chasing up the table with games in hand - the season kicks off on 3rd Sept with the Researchers' first game a week later, then only two games in the following 8 weeks. Hopefully friendlies and modelling assignments will abound to fill the gaps. BT's first home game is not until December. There is talk of a switch from the Blue Circle Cement Stadium to the famous Hadleigh High School Stadium, a convenient 10 miles down the A1071. Check back regularly for more news ...

6th Aug 2006	submitted by BTRFC story-from-nothing journalist
The 2006-07 pre-season begins today, with the mighty Researchers facing down Suffolk Council at the windswept and beautiful Eastward Ho stadium, Felixstowe. Training has been underway a few weeks now, but players of this quality are honed and ready throughout the year. Join us on our pre-season tour on the 13th, 20th, 22nd and 27th as we prepare for the (as-yet-unfixtured) season to come ....

21st Jul 2006

submitted by BTRFC Tour Operator

BTRFC's proposed pre-season tour of North Korea has been cancelled after Jon's work permit application was rejected, being deemed a 'threat to national security'. Thousands of the club's international fans were left disappointed, particularly at missing out on watching The Gaffer becoming the first ISFL manager to guest at one of the country's celebrity nuclear missile tests. Instead, the club will embark on the more traditional feast of warm up games against local opposition. Full details to be announced in due course.

25th Apr 2006

submitted by BTRFC Catering Department

Due to legal reasons, btrfc.org.uk don't have the rights to publish match reports for friendly games. Instead, our matchday sponsors have kindly agreed to convey a special message to the fans: The Gaffer is great, especially his goal from 65 yards out against In Car Tech 405. Special mention also has to be made for the way he showed a complete and utter indifference for this feat of power, skill and precision. Feeling hungry after training? Then why not pay a visit to Admirals Fish n' Chips, Dobbs Lane, Kesgrave.

19th Mar 2006

submitted by BTRFC Statto in Residence

As the season draws to a close, the end of season stats page takes on an almost magical significance, with its what-if's, who-done-what and so-bloody-what. Our collection of cards is roughly double last seasons tally of yellows, strangely half of them coming in one game. But to our credit, no reds. Central defenders feature strongly in the own goals league with Paul taking top honours so far, but midfield doesnt want to be left out. With plenty of deep defening threatened in the next few, its anyone's game. 44 goals so far is a worthy haul from 19 matches. Our goal difference has taken a pounding in our recent poor run, but it has to be said, we entertain - others have conceded just a few to the the top few teams yet still manage dismal goal differences, we've kept ours fairly neutral in spite of recent mullahings. Gaffer and Doug dominate the Goals per start table, though Gaffer leans heavily on his penalty duties and Phil C could steal the show with just one goal at this point. Midfield appears to have out-striked the strikers with 23 goals inc. penalties, strikers managing 17. Central defence stake their claim with 4, leaving the full backs as the Cinderellas. Darren's promise of a goal every other game has dropped to a goal every three, but will end the season higher than a goal per pi games. MOTM stats - fair reflection of ability, or an insight into people's perceptions? Its hard to say. The wide positions do not provide the opportunities for individual flair that the central ones do, yet players have made them their own. What is not in doubt though, is how highly we rate Dave. Goalkeeper stats are a bit rubbish, unless someone stands in for one game and has a clean sheet or a nightmare, so we can laugh at them or the other keepers. You'll note that tables reflect Starts, not sub appearances. Its unfair to include sub appearances as they usually give the player 10 minutes get warm then 10 to make an impact. No sub came on in the first half or has scored or recieved a MOTM vote this season. Within the "regularly sub or substituted" group of the squad this small credit is usually countered by (for instance) having 70 minutes to score, not 90. Kitwash is a contraversial new stat. with five players scoring half the table leader (last week) and only one having a good excuse .... The slackers can largely be forgiven, none of them being current regulars and none exceeding six turnouts.

7th Mar 2006	submitted by The Gaffer
Knocked off match tickets - £350 Flight on rickety old bread bus to Turkey - £300 One nights stay in a cess-pit of a hotel - £100 One dodgy dog kebab - £0.10 Bus ride to middle of desert - £0.90 Watching you team come from 3-0 down to win the European Cup - Priceless See the video here .... (best with your speakers cranked up)

5th Mar 2006	submitted by Club Papparazi
Captain Chaos Photography, in conjunction with Phil's sexy new zoom lens, presents mercifully edited photo coverage of the BTRFC / Leiston game. Check it out on the (soon to get its own link) Gallery page.

2nd Mar 2006

submitted by ResearcherBet

Why not take a chance on YOUR heroes this Sunday with a flutter on YOUR favourite gambling website - ResearcherBet. Early indications suggest this Sunday's visitors are the marginal favourites, although stranger things have happened in football! BT Research WIN - 16/1 Leiston WIN - 1/33 DRAW - 8/13 This week's top tip: BT Research WIN, Jon to score first goal - 10,000/1 As always, your ResearcherBet top tip is sponsored by Admirals Fish n' Chips, Dobbs Lane, Kesgrave. Phone orders taken 01473 333334. Absolutely no discount given to friend nor foe. No purchase necessary. Terms and Conditions apply.

24th Feb 2006

submitted by BTRFC Ents Department

Expectant fans were left disappointed and disbelieving after Girls Aloud sensationally announced they would no longer provide the half-time entertainment at Rust & Kemp's Junior Cup fixture with Coddenham. Irish beauty Nadine explains - "When we heard we were performing in front of the BT Research players, we could hardly contain ourselves. I know Cheryl likes the Gaffer, but I can't get enough of the goalie. Those guys are so hot. But the thought of a meaningless quarter final game in the cup really doesn't do it for us."

10th Feb 2006

submitted by Objective Sports Repoting inc, fair and balanced

Controversy reigned at the BTRFC pre-match press conference when Gaffer Nathan announced the squad for Sundays showndown with Hadleigh Goldstar. In a radical move reminiscent of Fulchester United's famous European tie (anyone remember who against?) the teamsheet showed the Gaffer playing in all 11 positions, plus running the line. "you might think it wise to use a few more players in this heat and at this altitude, but football's a funny old game and anything can happen in the last 90 minutes. Heart, battle, commitment and getting stuck in, that what I need" said an unusually eloquent gaffer, adding in a mumble "can I not knock it?" Shortly afterwards it became apparent that the teamsheet had been mixed up with Gaffer's list of people with some work to be getting on with, and a squad of 13 was quickly announced. Nathan then got on with some work, while the team consultants fiddled with web sites and surfed for toys to buy with their huge wads of dosh.

8th Feb 2006

submitted by Dr Shipman

News from the Injury Bay It has been confirmed that veteran central defender, Paul Lawrence, has developed haematoma following a studs up challenge in a recent match. This will come as a bitter blow to BTRFC, but more for Lawrence himself, who was promised a lucrative testimonial later this season. Ticket details will be released shortly, but it is expected to open up to Shareholder primarily, and then to season ticket holders after that. Opposition for this tie is still to be decided, but it is likely to be a World XI, including big names such as Ade Akinbiyi. Medically, haematoma is "an extravasation of blood localized in an organ, space, or tissue." Club doctor, Dr Shipman said at a news conference this morning: "The main concern when a haematoma develops is that infection may develop as blood is a perfect medium for infections, and that the wound may open up. The usual treatment of haematomas in this area is ultrasound. However, in Pauls case, we've asked him to keep himself active and have given him a course of antibiotics. The haematoma will gradually be dealt with and absorbed by the body. The bad news is, he could be out for another 4-6 weeks". Sorry news for every BTRFC fan.

6th Feb 2006	submitted by BTRFC Legal Department
BT Research FC would like to distance themselves from rumours that Sol Campbell has been kidnapped by Jon, so that they can play Cowboys & Indians together in his back garden. This is simply not true - our lawyers have advised us to say.

7th Jan 2006	submitted by BTRFC Papparazi
Phil's photos from the BTRFC Christmas drinkie are finally on the site! Click here to check them out!

19th Dec 2005

submitted by The Gaffer

I want everyone to have a very merry Christmas and a good New Year. Thanks for all your efforts this 2005, and lets hope we can continue our march towards promotion and European football next season. Our next training session is on 5th January, and our next game that Sunday on the 8th. It's the time of year when the lure of the party life is sometimes too much for footballers to handle... especially our younger players. Please don't ever find yourself alone with a lady you don't know. Too many accusations fly about, and you're only letting yourself in for a rough time in the papers. If you do find yourself alone with a lady friend over the Christmas period... give your old Gaffer a call, and I'll be only too glad to provide that extra pair of eyes for the witness box. The Gaffer

14th Dec 2005	submitted by disgraced former football writer
Having been dramatically sacked from the sports writing team, and being so poor I cant afford an agent, I'm not entirely sure if I'm allowed to issue a statement on this forum. However I did get the ball back.

13th Dec 2005	submitted by Chief Sports Writer
Phil C was dramatically sacked from the sports writing team last night, for being absent without leave (collecting balls from the bowls green) while the oppositon were scoring a goal. The upshot of which was an incorrect version of events in the match report. We expect a statement from the agent of the disgraced former football writer in due course.

7th Dec 2005	submitted by Phil C
The news feed is up & running! Yes, from this point forth worthy contributors can log their copy on the site of sites, the main URL, *the* place for your up-to-the-minute BTRFC news, views and chat. Oh yes.

1st Aug 2005
Check out the BTRFC home strip for the 2005/06 season. Thank you Tyreman Computer Services!